Last weekend we had a chance to host a couple of my ex-students for dinner. Occasionally I take a liking to some students and invite them over, and sometimes it turns into a friendship that lasts (like Yoshi, Mr. Tsukiji, and Mr. Kato) and sometimes it kind of fades out (like Mr. Tojo and Mr. Okochi). This time I invited Ms. Yoshida and Ms. Kamiya over for dinner. Ms. Yoshida was one of the first students I taught as a new employee of the company, and she is starting to be seen in a leadership role within the company. On top of that she is a woman, and women tend to be at a disadvantage in the company because they are in such a minority. Ms. Kamiya is an engineer who I taught recently, and together all four of us ate Mexican food, drank wine and had some good conversations.
Kuniko and I enjoy hosting, and I think we made everyone comfortable enough that they could speak about whatever they liked and be relaxed. It was fun – and I hope that we’ll have another chance in the future for all of us to get together. We had so much fun that we almost missed their last train back to Kobe – luckily they made it back to the station with a minute or two to spare.
The added bonus here is that we have lots of Mexican food leftovers to keep us happy for the rest of the week. Quesadillas, kimchi, and tacos – yum!
Back in November 2015 I blogged about a guy on my morning train that hogged both of the front positions of the line, being selfish and trying to get an advantage to find a seat on the train every morning. You might want to go back and read that post to understand what I’m about to write a little bit better. At the time it kind of bugged me that he was doing that, so soon thereafter I decided to train him to stop.
Actually, I was kind of inspired by the book Life of Pi, by Yann Martel. In that book the main character finds himself in an unimaginable position of having to tame a tiger to save his life on a lifeboat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. I certainly was playing for lower stakes, but purely as a sociological experiment I undertook the challenge.
First, I clearly defined my goal. I wanted the old guy to stand correctly on either the left or right side of the boarding area. The center was where he was, and this was the behavior that I wanted to change. He should stand correctly as a habit, and to do it whether I was there or not in the future.
I also wanted to avoid direct confrontation. Living in Japan I have to play by Japanese rules and social norms (to some extent), and that meant doing things indirectly and gently without making any social waves that would cause stress for others. The only stress I wanted to cause would be the stress felt by my unwitting experimental subject standing improperly in the middle.
Today I am declaring my experiment a success! However, it did take a long time. My original post was almost exactly a year ago! This morning the old guy was lined up on the right side of the loading area, for the eighth work day in a row.
How did I affect this change? As I said, it was a long process. At first I stood to my subject’s left side, and ever so slightly invaded his personal space. Sometimes I held my bag on my right side, so that it occasionally brushed his pant leg. When the train arrived (from our right side), he was still in the center position and he could easily rush to find a seat. But I was patient, and very rarely (one morning in ten) the train would come in slightly too fast, and the final stopping position would end up past our position, putting me between our poor subject and the door. Usually people shift to allow the other person to enter at the same time, but I played stupid and just stood in the same position taking the whole space for myself (doing the very thing that bothered me about my subject to begin with). Suddenly my subject went from being in the best position to being in the worst, and he was never happy about that.
At first when this happened he actually physically tried to push me out of the way. I’m big and tall, so I just pretended like I didn’t notice and I certainly didn’t look at him – I didn’t want him to know that actually I was doing this on purpose. I would take my time getting on the train, and take the last seat available. He would stomp his foot and sigh loudly, but he had no recourse but to stand and wait for a seat to become available. He never said anything to me, and didn’t threaten violence or anything. This is Japan, after all.
So I continued this slow, grinding process of standing in his personal space, ignoring his clear unhappiness, and making observations about his behavior. Of course, he could have just changed positions or changed trains at any time – I wasn’t going to track him down and try to keep up the experiment. I’m bored in the mornings but not that bored.
I stood on his left side each day and inched closer to him. I tried to think of the river that slowly erodes the mountain over the course of a million years. I didn’t have a million years, but I was sure I could break the old Japanese guy’s resolve. There is a lot to be said for idle curiosity and plenty of free time while waiting for trains.
Gradually, he started to give me space. I wasn’t exactly sure when the moment of truth happened, but one day he was standing all the way on the right side when I arrived. I took my spot, and we both had a very fair 50% chance of getting an open seat, instead of the near 100% chance he alone previously held. If the train overshot and my subject was in the correct position I would shift to my left to allow him access to his half of the entrance. His reward, for following the rules.
A few weeks later I moved to a different position on the platform so that I could watch him, and he continued to line up correctly, even after I wasn’t around.
What a great feeling it is, to walk down the steps to the station platform, and seeing the guy is standing correctly in the boarding area. For just a moment I could feel the same thrill that lion tamers must feel, having the giant, dangerous cats respond to your commands. Surely big cats could be tamed as easily as old Japanese guys, but I don’t think I’ll go into lion taming anytime soon.
Mission accomplished, everyone! I didn’t celebrate with champagne or anything, but it was nice to see that my experiment was a success and that even old Japanese guys could change their ways with a little help from meddling foreigners like me.
But I’ll still keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn’t slip back into bad habits.
