I’ve been teaching English conversation to a high school girl named Yuka three times a month. The pay is good and we just sit around in her bedroom and chat about whatever comes to mind. Her mom is trying to get her up to speed for a year studying abroad in Australia starting at the end of January.
Anyway, we’ve been getting along great, and towards the end of the hour Yuka’s mom comes in and we chat a little bit in Japanese. They give me a ride home to the station and we chat about cars, music, and Australia. I look forward to the lessons, and I’m sorry that they will end next month.
A while back Yuka went to Tokyo for a trip, and so she brought back some omiyage for Kuniko and me – some “Tokyo Banana” cakes. It was my first time eating them and they were delicious. Soon after that I gave them some cakes that Kuniko had bought in Kobe from a new bakery there.
This is one of the tricky parts of Japanese gift giving customs. In my mind, I have returned the gift and now we’re square. However, if the person feels like your gift was of more value than their original gift, then sometimes they will give you another gift. That’s what happened last night during our lesson – Yuka’s mom had traveled to Kyoto recently and brought back some chocolate yatsuhashi for me.
You can see how this can turn into a vicious cycle. Now I feel like I should get them something to thank them for the chocolate yatsuhashi. I’ll probably pick up something small when we go to Okayama next weekend for Tomoko’s wedding. The trick is to get something pretty small, and hopefully they won’t feel the need to return that gift.
I’ve heard that these gift wars can go on for a long time, with neither party wanting to appear cheap and stop giving gifts. Kuniko was the one who originally suggested to slowly draw down the value of the gifts until it stops. We’ll try that out next and see what happens.
